Family Guy Quotes
This page is dedicated (not to me) but to family guy! Please post all those family guy quotes(you've been desperately waiting for an excuse to get out) under the comments section of this post.
I might also like to add that the lucky number for this post is....
0 ... (how fortunate...) ... ... 0 ... ... 8!
Thats right! 8! But that's boring... so lets do it again!
0... ... 8 ... ... 2!
Yes! 82!
Lets all see if we can get to 82! It'll be tough, but the SDGMA will prevail!
posted by Ham at 6:27 PM|
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53 Comments:
Here's a couple of my favourites:
Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.
Brian: I Looooooooove Chocolate. But i can't eat 'cause then I'll fat. But it tastes SOOOOOOOOO good.
Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
(Easily one of the best.)
Anyways, that'll do for now, ill try and add more later
6:47 PM
by the way, i tried to choose some of the more unpopular ones on purpose and leave the more stupider ones out for other people.
6:48 PM
Nama saya Cicak Man
6:50 PM
Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life.
Guy - OH MY GOD!
Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.
6:50 PM
(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin
6:51 PM
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA... haha... hehehe... heh... ... ... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Peter - (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.
6:52 PM
This one is more of a have-to-be-there-moments:
Peter: I hope this isn't a ripoff like that breakfast machine I bought.
(Cut to peter in his kitchen activating his breakfast machine. A ball rolls activating a series of devices soon reaching a balloon attatched to a string attached to a gun. This pulls the trigger and shoots Peter right in the arm.)
Peter: AAAAHH!! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! THIS JUST SHOOTS YOU IN THE ARM! IT DOESN'T MAKE BREAKFAST AT ALL! AAAHHH!
6:53 PM
lol
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
6:55 PM
Yes! I watched this just the other day... for those who haven't seen it, i recommend.
Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
6:59 PM
This one's quite good, much better to be there once again.
Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!
6:59 PM
This is continued from the comment made 2 posts ago:
Stewie (his voice getting progressively higher): Oh I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side: you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know...the novel you've been workin' on? You know the the one, uh, you've been workin on for three years? You know the novel. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character gets into a relationship and suffers a little heartbreak? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? (Voice returns to normal.) Oh, I look forward to reading it.
7:01 PM
Well, it's technically not [i]continued[/i] but it's in the same episode so i thought i might continue from that point.
7:02 PM
cool wHip ...
7:02 PM
okay, that was ****ing spastic.
7:02 PM
cool wHip
7:50 PM
cool wHip
8:15 PM
Guy: we have a variety of different falvour ice cream. We got caremel strawberry chocolate and people.
Peter: Wat was the last one?
Guy: Chocolate
8:26 PM
ITS dc
Guy: We have a variety of flavour of ice cream. We got Caremel, strawberry chocolate and people
Peter: what was the last one?
Guy: Chocolate
8:30 PM
Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
*Ham: You've got to use HTML, look at the examples below where you type.
8:46 PM
Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
8:47 PM
Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
8:49 PM
Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
Gotta love that last sentence.
8:52 PM
(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.
8:55 PM
Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Veitnam)
Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. They're gonna be looking for army people.
8:56 PM
Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.
8:58 PM
Glen Quagmire: My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did gagoogidy that girl. I gashmoygadied her gaflavity with my googus. And I am sorry.
9:00 PM
here are some of my fav family guy quotes:
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.
9:42 PM
hehehe lol...here r some others:
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
That'll do 4 now
9:43 PM
er... SUPERVISOR!
6:31 PM
Stewie: Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
6:55 PM
Stewie: [To ticket agent] Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag]
Stewie: Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.
6:57 PM
Stewie (talking on Sesame Street phone): Put me through to the Pentagon!
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed out side Big Bird's nest, and well as for Linda, well, its rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach now, isn't it?!
7:03 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
7:03 PM
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4:06 PM
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
5:42 PM
Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeletons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.
5:43 PM
Peter (leaving a message for Mr. Weed): Mr. Weed? This Peter Griffin. I will not be coming to work today, I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable.
5:47 PM
(Peter recalling the vaccuum cleaning guy)
Vaccuum guy: We fixed your vaccuum cleaner. It seems the problem was a half-eaten meatball lodged in the vaccuum intake.
Peter: Well did you keep it?
Vaccuum guy (with a puzzled look on his face): Uh...no
Peter: You bastard!
5:49 PM
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got 20!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: 21!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's 30
Peter: Hit me.
5:56 PM
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"Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog."
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Peter: I’ll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t...nothing?
Peter: Oh, yeah...
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